There’s a personality trait I’ve been thinking about a lot recently; patience. I’m not a patient person. I like to get things done now. I like to find solutions to problems now. Now, however, I’m constantly having to wait for a suitable window to do even half the things I need or want to do and it can feel incredibly frustrating.

It’s been quite sobering to realise just how impatient I can be both with myself, the realities of having a baby (I can’t overthink this post because I’m very much writing it under time pressure) and working on larger projects like the novel. Nature or nurture? Have I always been like this or did I just get used to being the master of my own time over the 38 years of not being a mother?

Either way I need to practice because when I feel impatient, I also feel a lack of control and that leads to anxiety. Anxiety in turn can be debilitating and make me waste the opportunities I do have. I also have to be realistic. Time will never be 100% my own again even if things do improve bit by bit. Despite that, I will finish the novel. It might just take a bit longer than I like. But I’m the only one putting pressure on me. So. Patience.

Thank you for reading!

Xx

I’m listening to lots of podcasts right now; while pushing a sleeping baby around, rocking a stubborn baby to sleep etc.

I’ve gotten myself knee deep in Giovanna Fletcher’s Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast. In the podcast she talks to lots of creative people, for examples famous actors, writers, musicians and DJs, about parenthood and careers. Many want/need to continue with their work soon after the baby is born and I’m finding the conversations really inspiring. But they also make me ask the question “Do they have extra help?”.

It’s not in any way about judgement. I think we should all do what feels right for us and our families and if someone has access to additional support, whether that’s relatives, friends or paid professionals, that’s great. Even those of us that don’t have an international singing career can do with some extra help sometimes!

Instead I keep pondering the question more from a point of transparency because most of the time it isn’t mentioned and it would be sort of comforting to know. Of course it’s easier to be productive if there’s an extra pair of hands on standby whenever you need it. And if you don’t have access to external support, then maybe it’s time to cut yourself some slack and not compare yourself to those who (maybe) do? Comparison is pointless anyway because we all have different starting points and goals and we just do the best we can.

Here’s my situation: For the past few weeks I’ve been able to do some work on my novel because my future mother in law has been visiting on Thursday afternoons to spend some time with E. I’ve felt very lucky to be able to take that time to myself, but it’s also been an emotional challenge to step back (let go of control) and accept the help. I think many of us do struggle to say yes to support even when it’s offered.

Or is that just me?

Thank you for reading!

Xx

Yesterday, I didn’t edit the novel when my FMIL entertained the Pumpkin. Short term, it would’ve been better for my writing if I did. For long term benefit though, I knew I needed to do something else.

Babies and writing have plenty in common. For one thing, you’re playing the long game. And it can be hard. Really hard. To keep your strength up and stay focused, you need to take care of yourself. Which also isn’t easy, especially if you don’t have the support discussed in last week’s post. (Thank you for all the comments and feedback!)

Instead of editing, I went for a solo walk, visited some charity shops and had a sit down hot chocolate in a cafe. This would’ve been impossible to do during a 30 minute baby nap and felt like a luxury. I can get some of that editing done during a nap or two instead (I just need to make it a priority).

I’m not a huge fan of the word “self-care”, it’s become so diluted. But we do need to take care, even if it can sometimes make you feel weak or “less than”. Because when you do, it helps you stay engaged both with your little one and the things you are passionate about.

What do you like to do when/if you have a moment to yourself?

Thank you for reading!

Xx

Hello again! Happy to be here even though I occasionally have felt like I’m biting off more than I can chew, but then I wanted to share the source of my recent inspiration.

Last week, I listened to episode 287 of The Writing Life Podcast produced by the National Centre For Writing. In the episode, novelist and NCW tutor Megan Bradbury shared her tips on how to create a writing routine and what her own routine has looked like over the years. She mentioned that (at the time) she had a 10 month old baby but was still working on her next project.

Although the episode didn’t focus specifically on writing with babies, it signalled to me that you can be the primary caregiver of a child and still pursue your creative work. Your routine won’t look the same as it did before (fewer coffee shop sessions and more 10-minute writing blitzes during naps) but that’s okay! The important thing is to be realistic, stay connected to your work and not feel like you have to tidy it away on a shelf for the foreseeable future. Giving up on something you love doesn’t benefit anyone. Of course, if you choose to take a break, that’s valid too!

Last Thursday, I actually did have one of those elusive coffee shop sessions (pic) and it felt both weird and marvellous. I’ve now officially started the first edit of my novel and I actually don’t hate it! It wouldn’t have happened without my future mother in law’s support though, and that’s something I want to write about in the future.

So yes, find those nuggets of time to stay connected to your creativity (if you want to) and don’t feel bad about it!

Thank you for reading!

Xx

This year has shown us just how much we rely on community; our families, our friends, our work colleagues and the strangers we used to see every day. Some handle solitude better than others, and at times it can be cherished, but I think we can agree we sometimes need more than what Zoom and other online platforms can provide right now.

Having said that, I’m immensely grateful for the writing community I recently reconnected with over Zoom. I had begun to feel quite estranged from my fellow writers in this country, and not just because of Covid. At university I had a group of likeminded writers handed to me in the classroom. There was always a play or a talk to attend, or a fun project to dive into. When we graduated two years later it got harder. I was lucky to be commissioned to write a play for a theatre in Finland, and spent my time focused on that (in addition to my day job). Three years later however, with the play on tour and my brain back in the UK game, I realised I no longer felt part of the writing community that had helped me grow up to become a playwright.

This is by no means the community’s fault. I stepped away. Focused my energies elsewhere. Had to prioritise. But even someone who deals well with solitude needs to feel like they belong. Hence I was delighted when I realised I’d done enough to become a full member of the Writer’s Guild of Great Britain. Not only do I know they have my back if I need help, but they have also put on a wonderful series of online talks recently, that have made me feel engaged with my fellow UK writers again. I have returned to the community that brought me so much excitement and joy when I first moved to London to study playwriting and screenwriting. We might not all know each other by name, but I feel included nevertheless, and that means a lot right now.

Ps. You can join WGGB as a student or candidate member as well, so if you’re interested, don’t be silly like me and wait until you can get full membership.

(This post has been written out of appreciation, expressing my personal views, not by request.)

So yes, it’s been a bit quiet over here. When I posted in February I (still) wasn’t expecting full Lockdown in March, working from home (my day job), having my touring play put on hold, figuring out how I felt about living in a global pandemic that will affect the lives and livelihoods of millions of people and still trying to live a kind and good life.

I got kind of angry when people told me this was the time to create, because apparently we now had loads of extra time to do so, but those first few weeks I didn’t feel like creating anything at all. It suddenly seemed like there were so many opportunities to collaborate, to network, to write, but I couldn’t make myself take part. Perhaps I did have the extra time, but I certainly didn’t have the mental bandwidth.

It was a giant relief when I finally felt something click and I found myself writing again, on something new, something that felt exciting. I’d been wrapped up in two projects for a couple of years (one is still up for grabs, anyone?) so starting fresh felt great! But will there be a theatre for my new play when it’s finally finished?

It really pains me to see how beloved, established theatres and theatre practitioners are having to give up their work because there just isn’t the funding necessary to keep going right now. As pubs and cinemas are opening up here in the UK, theatres and concert venues are allowed to open but still forbidden to give live performances (uh, what?). An industry that is always towing the financial line continues to be left to its own devices.

And don’t think people aren’t trying! Theatre creatives are by definition great at finding novel solution and have been working hard to discover ways of creating art during the epidemic while also communicating with the authorities for support. There is so much goodwill in the creative communities, but sometimes cold hard cash is needed to keep going.

So what will happen? I don’t know. There will always be theatre, but if you want it to look anything like it did before, it needs help. So perhaps consider supporting your favourite artists if you can? It doesn’t even need to be theatre, just art! We all need art! If there wasn’t any art, god knows how we’d gotten through lockdown for this long? I’ve been told that my play will get back to touring ASAP, which I’m incredibly grateful for, and I’m continuing to write because I’m hopeful. Hopeful that we will pull through and begin to build again. But there needs to be support.

Take care and stay safe! Xx

I was looking through some old photos, came across my graduation pics from January 2015, and realised it’s been five years since I graduated From my MA in playwriting and screenwriting. The reason I first moved to London. It made me think, was it worth it?

Not the actual move (although that could also be a blog post in itself) but the MA. Do you need to have a degree in something creative like playwriting? My short answer is no. I don’t think you need formal training to become any kind of writer. It might be a cliché by now, but I do believe reading plays, seeing plays and reading books about playwriting can be just as beneficial. And at the same time, write, write, write. That’s the most important bit!

However, the two years of university benefitted me. I was new to the country, I was dipping my ink into a new language and I hadn’t written a play or screenplay since about the age of ten. The MA gave me a social space to learn (scary as it can be), to receive feedback (frustrating as it can be), and get an understanding of the theatre landscape in my new home country (overwhelming as it can be). Had I moved to London without the course, I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start. How do you find trustworthy critique? Where do you send your material? And how do you keep writing even when it’s not going very well? (Some of these are still a conundrum.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is we all have different resources to work with. Not all of us can take the the time or free up the resources it takes to study. And not everyone feel their most comfortable in higher education. Luckily there are other ways to learn (and it’s not like we ever really stop learning) so please don’t get discouraged if a formal degree isn’t a part of your path! Life experience is much more important! Curiosity is much more important! The willingness to grab whatever opportunities do exist around you is much more important! Yes, certain degrees will help certain people get the foot through the door easier and quicker, let’s not beat about the bush. There’s still plenty of inequality in theatre, but I don’t want to believe there’s no space for a variety of voices from a variety of backgrounds. Or if there isn’t yet then there certainly should be and we all have a responsibility to make it happen. We all have to be tenacious. Because that’s how theatre keeps evolving, and that’s how great stories are told. (And it’s also the right thing to do.)

I hope February is treating you well!

Photos by Charlotta Buxton, 2015

I don’t actually have much to say except HAPPY NEW YEAR! We’ve stepped into a new decade and I couldn’t stand the notion of not having written anything yet on this side of 2020. A new decade … My fourth one on this planet. I’ve always been good at plotting stories, but when it comes to my own life things have never quite followed the intended structure. Maybe my life editor is a bit of a lazy one? Or really enjoys the unexpected? It’s definitely been an adventure.

Anyhow, last year was a bit of a milestone on the writing front. A new play of mine was finally sent out on tour and according to reports from the theatre and the media things are going well. That makes me really happy because the themes of the play are very close to my heart. I just hope the audience members are better at following the play’s suggested advice than I am! I wrote the bloody thing and I still find myself struggling on a daily basis. It’s definitely one of those “Do as I say, not as I do” kind of situations. But it’s hard sometimes. Luckily my audience is young, and clever, and they won’t have learnt silly behavioural patterns for almost four decades. Four! (But I’ve also heard that old dogs actually can learn new tricks so don’t count me out just yet ….)

Right, everyone raise their glasses, coffee cups and sustainable water bottles and help me wish us all a “HAPPY 2020!” May it be a good one.

I have a cold. The upside is I’ve had some extra time to type up notes and scenes for my (very) new project. If your ideas are like mine, they don’t respect your writing hours but pop up whenever and wherever and you better be there to catch them even if all you have to write on is an old crumpled receipt.

About a month ago the idea for the play began to stir in my mind and almost the first thing that came to me was the set. A strong vision of what the staging should look like. What isn’t so strong is my ability to draw but in that moment of inspiration I grabbed a post it and a pencil and drew … that.
I could try and tell you it’s bad on purpose so people won’t steal my ideas, but honestly I’ve never been very good at drawing. I love using colours. I love creating things from different materials, but I never got around to learning how to draw. Maybe there’s still time?

Anywho, I just thought I’d write this little post to highlight that we all have our talents, we all have things we’re naturally good at but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do all the other things too if we enjoy them. Drawing that picture gave me great pleasure in the moment and that’s all that matters!

Have a great weekend!